Esoteric goonism

Skibidi Hermes Trismegustus (Left) and Thoth holding the Goonerald Dojinshi (Right)

Esoteric Goonism is a ancient religious and philosophical system that haa influenced both western and oriental esoteric traditions. This system of beliefs and practices, according to Edging Scholars, is believed to be a reaction to the excessive ascetism practiced in other well-known esoteric traditions. For example, in Goodhism, the predecessor to Tantric Buddhism, a practitioner must practice Goonhisattva Meditation (i.e. goon until you're in a meditative trance) in order to achieve "Goonervana," a state of being where He/She/Xhe/Ze has escapeed the Demiurge's Amazing Digital Samsara. Meanwhile in mainstream Buddhism, practicing Goonhisattva Meditation is looked down upon and discouraged. In Hermetic Goonism, the tradition that developed in Ancient Greece/Aegyptus, a practicioner must adopt an extreme gooning regiment as per the Goonerald Dojinshi of Thoth.

History

The origins of this elusive tradition is unknown; however, recent archaeological findings in an Israeli cave suggests that there was a Proto-Esoteric-Goonism. Fringe theories from the internet (especially from 4chan's paranormal board) postulate that knowledge of Esoteric Goonism was given through divine means in the "Primordial Gooncave" (some people the propose the "Primordial Gooncave" was the Israeli cave thereof).

The Development of the Hastamaithunachara Dharma

The Azumanga Digital Samsara

The Hastamaithunachara Dharma (Sanskrit for "way of masturbation/gooing/edging")

The Goonachakra tantra states that Aniruddha, the king of Shambala tasked enlightened goonapatis of Tibetan skibidi gooners with the development of Hastamaithunachara dharma as a response to vajrayana buddhism being nearly extinguished. He revealed the vidya of primordial gooncave from the akashic records, and it is said to be written down, however only accessible to goonhisattvas.

One of the important practices of goonhisattva meditation consists of visualization (e.g. channeling from the akashic records) of the most enlightening goonfuel, including Brapping Pomni Amitabha. The Akashic Records themselves hold an innumerable amount of knowledge and goonfuel, and are an important tool in attaining goondahood.

The Development of Hermetic Goonism

Hermetic Goonism is the most prolific religious and philosophical tradition that sprung out of Esoteric Goonism. Hermetic Goonism originated in Hellenic Aegyptus and developed alongside Hermeticism. It is a syncretic combination of Proto-esoteric-goonism, Aegyption gooning magick, and Hermeticism. Hermetic Goonism also has legendary figures that parallel Hermeticism. For example, Skibidi Hermes Trismegustus, a legendary figure in Hermetic Goonism, often found in it's sacred texts (e.g. The Goonpus Hermeticum) corresponds with Hermeticism's Hermes Trismegustus.

The Goonerald Dojinshi of Thoth

The Goonerald Dojinshi of Thoth was though of as Hermetic Goonism's answer to Hermeticism's Emerald Tablet. Within it's cryptic and poetic lines also bears references to Aegyption Goon Magick

1. as 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 above, so 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 below
   1. For when one GOONS in the microcosm, they also GOON in the macrocosm
   2. If one GOONs to MikuMikuDance Hyperscat in the microcosm, they also GOON to it's macrocosmic equilvalent, Touhou Futanari Giantess fart porn, in the macrocosm