Esoteric goonism

Skibidi Hermes Trismegustus (Left) and Thoth holding the Goonerald Dojinshi (Right)

Esoteric Goonism is a ancient religious and philosophical system that have influenced both the western and oriental esoteric traditions. This system of beliefs and practices, according to Edging Scholars, is believed to be a reaction to the excessive ascetism practiced in other well-known esoteric traditions. For example, in Goodhism, the predecessor to Tantric Buddhism, a practitioner must practice Goonhisattva Meditation (i.e. goon until you're in a meditative trance) in order to achieve "Goonervana," a state of being where He/She/Xhe/Ze has escapeed the Demiurge's Amazing Digital Samsara. Meanwhile in mainstream Buddhism, practicing Goonhisattva Meditation is looked down upon and discouraged. In Hermetic Goonism, the tradition that developed in Ancient Greece/Aegypt, a practicioner must adopt an extreme gooning regiment as per the Goonerald Dojinshi of Thoth.

History

The origins of this elusive tradition is unknown; however, recent archaeological findings in an Israeli cave suggests that there was a Proto-Esoteric-Goonism. Fringe theories from the internet (especially from 4chan's paranormal board) postulate that knowledge of Esoteric Goonism was given through divine means in the "Primordial Gooncave" (some people the propose the "Primordial Gooncave" was the Israeli cave thereof).

The Development of the Hastamaithunachara Dharma

The Hastamaithunachara Dharma (Sanskrit for "way of masturbation/gooing/edging")

The Development of Hermetic Goonism

Hermetic Goonism is the most prolific religious and philosophical tradition that sprung out of Esoteric Goonism.